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I ran a Marathon cause I’m lazy

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Catching Up

It’s been a crazy few months since I last posted. I’m working on two new books (one is just over a third done), I’m creating a playable novel (more on that later), I just finished a short Prequel for How to Sex Your Snake. (More later on how to get that), and I accidentally ran a marathon. 

My husband is the runner. I just tag along cause I like spending time with him. 

The race was the Space Coast Marathon and 1/2 Marathon up in Cocoa Beach on Nov 26. It’s a gorgeous course that takes you along the water as the sun is rising. And moving up over head. And setting behind your back. A marathon takes a hell of a long time to run. For some of us anyway. 

3…2…1…liftoff

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Starting point is a little park. You head south, turning around at around the 6 1/2 mile mark and come back to the park. That’s 13.1 miles. Anyone running the half stops there. Anyone running the whole, continues on past. They’ll run about 6 1/2 out then turn around and come back to the park for a total of 26.2 miles. But what happens if you sign up for the whole marathon but realize you just can’t make it? Well, at this race, there’s something called the ‘wormhole’. You take that path and it sends you to the half marathon finish line. It’s a nice out.

So, we’re approaching the wormhole and my husband says, do you want to take the wormhole? He did. I didn’t quite hear him and just kept running. If I’d of heard him and understood, I definitely would have peeled off into the wormhole. And as I ran the next few miles, I was wishing I’d have peeled off into the wormhole. 

I think I can…I think I can…I think…ooooo, booze. 

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Oops. A boat on it’s side. Kinda how I felt at about mile 18

But then a funny thing happened. I got into a rhythm. And lovely people had tables set up, along the way, with shots and snacks. (I stuck with beer) My husband made it to 21. Which was partly my fault. I’d knocked us off our training schedule, in part because of laziness and in part because of…no, totally because of laziness. It’s tough to get up in the mornings to run when it’s so warm and comfy in bed. So he was under prepared. 

Why did I keep going? Again, laziness. I was 5.2 miles from saying I’d run a marathon. If I’d have stopped, I’d have to run 26.2 more miles to say I’d run a marathon. Does that makes sense? 

And the crowd roars…

Well, for the winner maybe. Just not for me. By the time I finished, most everyone had gone home. I was just happy to see my sweetie cheering for me as I cross the line. 

In the end, I came in at 6:55:59. (The course is listed as a 7 hour time limit)img_1250

Cool. Now I’d run a marathon and I could go home and sit on the couch and get back to Glitch on Netflix. Which I did. And then Thursday came. And the email.

‘Are you ready for this weekend’s race?’

Huh?

Seems we’d sign up for a half marathon down in Key West. Mark couldn’t get the time off work so I headed down alone. I crashed at a friend’s place and went down to packet pickup point to grab my race bib and t-shirt. After they handed me my stuff, I asked I could just pick up my husband’s t-shirt. He’s not registered. He deferred to next year. 

Huh? 

img_1308Turns out, after we’d signed up for the race, eons ago and it was rescheduled at one point helping us truly forget about it. Mark finally figured out that he had decided that we should defer to next year. He had done that. (also eons ago) And I hadn’t. He says he reminded me many times. I’m no longer in charge of deferring my own races.  

Totally fine with that. 

Then before I left the packet pickup table, I looked inside my bag and discovered two race bibs. Turns out I was not only running the half, I was running a 5k the next day. My wobbly post marathon legs were not happy to hear that. But…that meant an extra day in Key West. The love of my life. (My husband doesn’t read this so he’ll never know he’s number 2)

In the end, over 8 day and three races, I ran 42.3 miles.img_1290

As I was sitting on a bench staring out at the ocean and eating my post race bagel on Sunday, my husband texted to see if I wanted to run a half this coming Saturday. I bet you can imagine what I told him. 

Rest well and Write On, 

Melissa

PS

I said no. And then I muttered a few of June’s favorite words.

PPS

Who the hell is June? You’ll have to read the book to find out and I can help you out with that. Here’s the first five chapters.

 

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Win a signed copy of How to Sex Your Snake

Goodreads Book Giveaway

How to Sex Your Snake by Melissa Banczak

How to Sex Your Snake

by Melissa Banczak

Giveaway ends June 13, 2017.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway

 

Are you a member of Goodreads? If not, you should be. I’m giving away some signed copies of my latest book, How to Sex Your Snake this summer and that’s where you’ll find them. The first contest goes live at 12:01 am on June 6 and runs till June 13. (I believe it ends at midnight) 

So follow the link above and get signed up. 

Write On,

Melissa

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The Big Swim

Waiting for Godot…err Diana

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Waiting….patiently…

It’s Sunday. Time for this week’s book update. Since my latest novel, a sequel to How to Sex Your Snake , takes place in Key West, and I’ve been immersed in research, I thought it would be fun to include some memories from my time on the island. Last week, we looked back at one of my favorite watering holes, the Bull and Whistle bar, which features 3 distinctive bars and with some iffy nudity. This  week, we’re outside, looking at some actual water. But first, the update. 

How to Square Your Grouper – A June Nash Misventure, Book 2

Premise: Following an embarrassing blunder, June heads down to Key West to hide out and accidentally becomes a drug runner.

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Captain Eddy rallies the troops

Genre – Adventure
New words this week –1239 (plus a few pages of handwritten notes)
Total word Count – 13,543 
Release date: Summer 2017

Goals last week: continuing my research, tightening up my outline

What I did: Mainly research. I spend the week reading up on the Coast Guard and some other things that will spoil the book if I mention them. The more I read, the less I feel like I know. I’m currently looking for someone who was actually in the Coast Guard. So, if that was you, drop me a note in the comments. Outlining – I realized I had two different outlines for the book. So, I’ve been combining both into a notebook. That’s my preferred method. I can take paper and pencil more places that I can take my computer. 

Goals for next week: finish up my outline sometime during the week. I’d like to start the actual writing around the 20th. (I’ve got a few pages here and there but it’s mostly in outline form) I’m still living in a delusional state thinking I will be able to hand the book to my editor around tax day. We’ll see. 

This weeks trip down memory lane:

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I spy with my little eye…

See the boats on the right? Diana Nyad is somewhere in the middle, about to finish her world record Cuba to Key West Swim. Mark and I happened to be biking down the southern side of the island, probably headed to Caroline’s for a cuban sandwich, when we noticed the news crews and the swarm of people on the beach. Mark checked the internet and Diana was still a few hours away, so we did our lunch thing, wandered Duval a bit and then headed back to Smathers. By this point, it was close enough that we decided to lock up the bikes and find a good spot. We lucked into a roped off section and ended up against the barrier. When Diana came ashore, we’d have a ringside seat as she emerged from the Atlantic Ocean. 

And then, of course, life happened. Later, Ms. Nyad said that as she was approaching Key West, she wasn’t sure where she was supposed to land so she just picked a spot. Which wasn’t anywhere close to where everyone was standing. Chaos ensued and people raced to be first to her new landing spot. Mark and I were separated and I quickly gave up. There was no way I was going to get close up to the action. I texted my husband, took my sandals off and headed for the sidewalk and our bikes. And got stuck in another crowd. I pulled out my phone to text Mark again and realized, almost too late, that Diana was on a stretcher being wheeled to an ambulance by EMTs. I hit video on my cell phone and held it up just as they went past. If you’re interested, you can read more about her historic record here. 

 

That’s it for this week. Next Sunday, we’ll reminisce about men dressed in tiny shorts pushing a bed up the street. Believe it or not, it has absolutely nothing yet absolutely everything to do with the time the tiny island of Key West succeeded from the United States.

Until then, keep your head above water, don’t drink too much rum, and Write on,

Melissa

 

 

 

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Preorders begin for my novel

I’m happy to announce…

e-book coverWell if you read the title, you already know. The kindle version of my first novel, How to Sex Your Snake, is now available to preorder on Amazon for just $2.99. Yay! It will be automatically delivered to your mailbox on February 14, 2017. (I’ll add buy buttons for ibook, Nook, Kobo, paperback and audio as they become available) If you haven’t already, you can read the first chapter here.

Valentine’s Day has special meaning to me. It’s not just that candy and flowers holiday. It’s also my dad’s birthday. This year, he would have been 88. After he retired, he had a nice little second career as a writer, so going live on his birthday is my way of feeling just a bit closer to him this year.

I’m hard at work on the sequel to How to Sex Your Snake.  If you’d like to know when it’s ready, you can join the Book Announcement List:

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨


Thanks for sticking with me as this first book took shape. I’ve had many goals since I started. Most I didn’t keep. But – I’ve learned so much and now I feel like I know what I need to do to get this next one finished in a reasonable amount of time. Right now, I’m shooting for sometime around my birthday in late April. For now, grab a copy of How to Sex Your Snake. I can’t wait to hear what everyone thinks. Stay warm and Write On,

Melissa

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Prepping for Print

 

Good news for everyone who keeps asking!

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5.25 x 8 sample

The manuscript for How to Sex Your Snake (my new book) passed inspection from the herpetologist (reptile expert) and heads next to the actor doing the audio version. She’s got the perfect, I’m really not happy to be here voice for this project so if you prefer audio books, you won’t be disappointed. (e-book, paperback, and large print will be available too)

I’ve told you that the book is done, right? It’s been a crazy couple of months with our move from the snowy northern woods of Wisconsin to the glorious treasure coast of Florida. Sadly, many of those weeks were internet free. A nice idea when you’re overwhelmed but an impossible way to survive reality.

Today, my editor is visiting and we’ll be looking at book size and fonts for the print version. (Amazon on demand) I spent enough time as a literary agent to know that unless you’re already famous, it’s better to cut out the middle man and go indie.

e-book coverWhen can I buy it? 

Well…we’re still waiting on formatting and the cover for the paperback. Once those things get a bit more settled, I’ll be able to announce a release date. If you’re not already on the mailing list, you can sign up here.

For now, enjoy the approaching holidays and Write On,

Melissa

 

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How to Sex Your Snake Book Cover Reveal

Plugging along

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Oddest looking dogs ever. Wait. Those are baby cows.

It’s been just shy of two months since James died. I was scrolling Facebook a couple of weeks ago and stumbled upon an unattributed quote that sums up my sadness.

     “I believe the hardest part of healing after you’ve lost someone you love is to recover the “you” that went away with them”

There’s still that daily need to text him about things. He would have loved the pickup full of cows. I suppose in time the hollowness will fill back in. In the meantime, all I can do is get up off the couch and get on with it.

And on that note, the new book cover book…

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My soon to be released book

In less than 48 hours, June’s life will go from low-key to ludicrous thanks to a pool of blood, a missing body, slithering creepy crawlies and the imminent incarceration of her famous twin-brother.

Read the 1st chapter now and get 2 and 3 when you join the book release mailing list.

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨

So is it done? 

No. But I’m finally back to my 40 hour work.  A late summer release is still looking good.

If you feel so inclined, check out the first chapters, sign up for the book announcement list and then drop down to the comments and let me know your thoughts on the cover.

Be safe and happy and Write on,

Melissa

 

 

 

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Key West State of Mind

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It’s raining. It’s 39 degrees. And I’d be miserable but I just got the first 19 chs of How to Sex Your Snake back from my editor. A quick look through tells me that I don’t have much to fix and I see lots of checkmarks. (for stuff she loves) Now I just need to get those last 3 chs perfected and forwarded. Fingers crossed that I will be able to send the complete manuscript off to my format and error checkers first week of May and that the book goes live sometime before June 1.

I’m still waiting on the cover from the artist but I’m told that I’m next in the queue.

135 days till my plane lands in Key West. It’ll just be for four nights but I plan on making the most of it and not sleeping till I’m off the island. The beach, Duval Street, the chickens, the little Jazz Room, and 7am happy hour at Schooner Wharf.  That’s my idea of perfection. What’s yours? Where do you head when you need a vacation?

Stay dry and Write On,

Melissa

p.s. I had a blog when I lived in Key West. It’s called, Twist of Key Lime. I think pretty much everything I wrote about is still there. I plan on adding as much to it as I can while I’m on the island.

p.p.s. cynthia kester – could you please drop me on a note at my work email – melissabanczak@gmail.com

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Fury Road

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A war boy or two and no one will try and pass me

Offspring #2 and I are headed out tomorrow on a cross-country trek. The not so distant future includes, paint fumes, pruning shears and jazz. By April 10th our house in Arizona will be ready for the retail market and I will have finally caught a friend’s jazz group in person. (he was just invited on a European tour so he must be good)

While we’re roughing it in an empty house, I plan on finishing the outline for book two in the June Nash Series.

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A lost pup we reunited with her family. 1/2 timber wolf, 1/2 husky. 100 love muffin.

You might remember our little contest from 2 weeks ago, that we extend one more week – Would I finish writing my book before Offspring #2 finished studying to take some certification test that has something to do with computers. By the end of the night last Friday, The Offspring and I weren’t sure who was winning. (I’d been a bit sidelined by a minor bug) So, while I hadn’t finish my book by deadline, it appeared that I was further along than The Offspring. I declared myself the winner and did the dance of victory complete with the song of joy until the dog ran and hid in the master bathroom shower.

A quick update:

How to Sex Your Snake – chs 1-20 are done. All that’s left is a wrap up and set up to book two. I ending up cutting two chs in front of the current ch 20. Too dull. The book should now come in at 23 chs. No idea on page count yet. I’ll update that once the editor has had her fun and the formatting is done.

I was hoping I could leave the computer at home this trip, but looks like I’ll have to drag it along. I’ll be finishing the ending on the road.

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Ohana. We shall be together again soon.

We still haven’t decided what to wear for the Star Wars Dark half Marathon mid April. I might wear my boring running skirt. I do plan on packing an extra phone battery in my running pouch. I have a feeling there will be great picture opportunities in the crowd.

Got to go buy snacks. I’ll post more from the road. Write On,

Melissa

p.s. while we were sick-ish couch potatoes, I hit Netflix hard. I’m done with all the good episodes of Fraser, burned through the new season of House of Cards the first week it was out, and started DareDevil. I realized that when I’m done with that one, I’ll be fresh out of stuff to watch. Any suggestions?

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And the winner is…

20160317_215329So, my youngest offspring and I are both trying to finish things. He’s working through some videos prepping for an IT certification test and I’m trying to get my latest project, the novel, How to Sex Your Snake finished and off to my editor. We decide to engage in a little friendly competition to see who would finish first. The deadline was today. (at midnight) And the winner is…”

Nobody. Yet. We had something unexpected take us out of town yesterday so we pushed the deadline to tomorrow. I’m not sure where he stands at the moment, he’s being secretive. Me? Well, let’s take a look:

How to Sex Your Snake has 25 chapters. (I’m one of those anal outliners)

Chs 1-18 are locked.

19 is probably done. I need to read it one more time but I’m saving that for later.

Ch 20 is done.

Ch 21 needs one line to smooth out a transition.

ch 22 needs a new ending. I made changes in the story (and rewrote my outline for the ending) and now a new last paragraph is in order.

ch 23-25 need complete rewrites. Everything I had is gone now, thanks to the new ending. Well, ch 25 has the same ending but the chapter has always been in an outline form. I expect each to come in at about 1500-2000 words. (for a total of 15-20 new pages)

As you can see in the photo above, I drank wine so I’m done for the night. Even a small glass just kills me. I have a practice 10k in the morning (and a race on Sunday) then it’s back to the computer until I finish or give up trying. I’ll drop a quick note tomorrow.

Until then, have a nice night and Write On,

Melissa

ps.

Did you lift a pint for St. Paddy’s day? I completely forgot about it.