Books Cubed: Ep 4 NSFW PIs & Ghosts

 

Good Adventures, This week on Books Cubed, I’m reading chapter one of another book series I’m working on. Have a listen, let me know what you think. This is a spin off of the June Nash MisAdventures, tentatively titled, Four Bullets and a Ghost. There’s some NSFW words so be careful around impressionable adults and young children.  

Links: The poetry of Taylor Mali : https://taylormali.com/

What are you reading right now? Let me know in the comments below. I’m always looking for more great books from indie authors. 

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What do I write? Thanks for asking. Get the free prequel to my June Nash Misadventure series and find out why a monkey was wearing June’s bra. 

Or dive right in and get the full length novel, How to Sex Your Snake

I’ll see you next time! Go read a good book, Melissa

ps. Some of these are affiliate links to help support my never ending grocery habit.

Meet Fabulous me in person!

Me and my better half at Disney world. We’re more than a little excited.

In the Tampa Area?

I’ll be signing copies of How to Sex Your Snake at the Tampa Indie Author Book Convention July 14th and 15th. If you’d like free tickets, you can get them until June 30th by clicking here. I’ll have a few book bags to give away too.

Now I’m off to my little booth by the bathroom in Panera Bread to work on June’s next misadventure due out in September!

Stay cool and Write on,

Melissa

“A monkey stole my bra”

I wrote this as I waited for Herman’s Hermits to start. (Epcot Garden Rocks Series) This month has been crazy and fast. Took mom to Key West for her birthday. Got photos with the clothing optional bar sign at Garden of Eden but we were too scared to climb the stairs. (Been there done that was terrified much) Caught up on sleep. I’ve been working on a new June Nash novel and indulged in too many 10 hr writing days. Did some West World binging. Great show. Watch it!

While you wait for the new June novel, I have a free micro misadventure. June is trapped in Costa Rica and nature is not her friend. Get it free on Amazon or Kobo. Tell a friend and leave reviews! Every time you do June smiles at a random Dewzer. And it helps me get up in the morning and write more.

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That’s it for now. Stay cool (the heat sucks today) and Write On,

Melissa

Song Suggestions Please!

post_cochlear_surgery_.smallLa La La La La La La

Do I look happy in that photo? Yeah, I know I look like crap but do I look happy? Because I am! That’s me leaving the hospital after my cochlear implant surgery back on January 25th. In the twenty-four days since my device was activated, voices have gone from sounding like tinny chipmunks on helium to thirteen year old boys waiting for their voices to break! Which is a little unsettling when talking to my husband. Over time, it will continue to get better. Or not. Fingers crossed!

As my brain relearns how to hear, part of my daily therapy is listening to music. I start each morning with thirty minutes of songs that I remember from when I could hear. (I was never completely deaf but pretty darn close to it by the time I got my implant)

As what I’m listening to has started to sound like real music, I’m branching out to songs that I don’t know. Armed with lyric sheets so I can follow along. It’s been thirty years since I’ve listened to new music, so I’m looking for suggestions. Anything after 1988. If there’s a song I need to hear, drop me a note with the title and artist.

And…

Winter is still alive and kicking and the best chance of surviving to summer is to stock up on a few good books for those chilly nights. This 5 day sale features 62 books in 13 genres, all for the low price of 99 cents each.  (Some are only available in the US and UK) You’ll find the first in my June Nash MisAdventure series, How to Sex Your Snake under Action/Adventure. If you’re feeling feisty and want to buy a copy to leave a verified review on Amazon, you’ll make my day! And like I say in my books, Every time someone does, June smiles at a random Dewzer. And that’s almost as good as an angel getting her wings.

Click here for the book sale!

Stay warm and safe and find some time to read!

Write on, 

Melissa

I ran a Marathon cause I’m lazy

melissa-crossing-marathon-finish-small

Catching Up

It’s been a crazy few months since I last posted. I’m working on two new books (one is just over a third done), I’m creating a playable novel (more on that later), I just finished a short Prequel for How to Sex Your Snake. (More later on how to get that), and I accidentally ran a marathon. 

My husband is the runner. I just tag along cause I like spending time with him. 

The race was the Space Coast Marathon and 1/2 Marathon up in Cocoa Beach on Nov 26. It’s a gorgeous course that takes you along the water as the sun is rising. And moving up over head. And setting behind your back. A marathon takes a hell of a long time to run. For some of us anyway. 

3…2…1…liftoff

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Starting point is a little park. You head south, turning around at around the 6 1/2 mile mark and come back to the park. That’s 13.1 miles. Anyone running the half stops there. Anyone running the whole, continues on past. They’ll run about 6 1/2 out then turn around and come back to the park for a total of 26.2 miles. But what happens if you sign up for the whole marathon but realize you just can’t make it? Well, at this race, there’s something called the ‘wormhole’. You take that path and it sends you to the half marathon finish line. It’s a nice out.

So, we’re approaching the wormhole and my husband says, do you want to take the wormhole? He did. I didn’t quite hear him and just kept running. If I’d of heard him and understood, I definitely would have peeled off into the wormhole. And as I ran the next few miles, I was wishing I’d have peeled off into the wormhole. 

I think I can…I think I can…I think…ooooo, booze. 

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Oops. A boat on it’s side. Kinda how I felt at about mile 18

But then a funny thing happened. I got into a rhythm. And lovely people had tables set up, along the way, with shots and snacks. (I stuck with beer) My husband made it to 21. Which was partly my fault. I’d knocked us off our training schedule, in part because of laziness and in part because of…no, totally because of laziness. It’s tough to get up in the mornings to run when it’s so warm and comfy in bed. So he was under prepared. 

Why did I keep going? Again, laziness. I was 5.2 miles from saying I’d run a marathon. If I’d have stopped, I’d have to run 26.2 more miles to say I’d run a marathon. Does that makes sense? 

And the crowd roars…

Well, for the winner maybe. Just not for me. By the time I finished, most everyone had gone home. I was just happy to see my sweetie cheering for me as I cross the line. 

In the end, I came in at 6:55:59. (The course is listed as a 7 hour time limit)img_1250

Cool. Now I’d run a marathon and I could go home and sit on the couch and get back to Glitch on Netflix. Which I did. And then Thursday came. And the email.

‘Are you ready for this weekend’s race?’

Huh?

Seems we’d sign up for a half marathon down in Key West. Mark couldn’t get the time off work so I headed down alone. I crashed at a friend’s place and went down to packet pickup point to grab my race bib and t-shirt. After they handed me my stuff, I asked I could just pick up my husband’s t-shirt. He’s not registered. He deferred to next year. 

Huh? 

img_1308Turns out, after we’d signed up for the race, eons ago and it was rescheduled at one point helping us truly forget about it. Mark finally figured out that he had decided that we should defer to next year. He had done that. (also eons ago) And I hadn’t. He says he reminded me many times. I’m no longer in charge of deferring my own races.  

Totally fine with that. 

Then before I left the packet pickup table, I looked inside my bag and discovered two race bibs. Turns out I was not only running the half, I was running a 5k the next day. My wobbly post marathon legs were not happy to hear that. But…that meant an extra day in Key West. The love of my life. (My husband doesn’t read this so he’ll never know he’s number 2)

In the end, over 8 day and three races, I ran 42.3 miles.img_1290

As I was sitting on a bench staring out at the ocean and eating my post race bagel on Sunday, my husband texted to see if I wanted to run a half this coming Saturday. I bet you can imagine what I told him. 

Rest well and Write On, 

Melissa

PS

I said no. And then I muttered a few of June’s favorite words.

PPS

Who the hell is June? You’ll have to read the book to find out and I can help you out with that. Here’s the first five chapters.

 

Crocodile hunting

Have a cow

Last week, we hit the Everglades National Park on our way back from Key West. No, that’s not a deformed Croc. It’s a manatee (aka sea cow) drinking fresh water that was dripping from a drainage pipe into the gulf. (Yes, I’m still working my way through video shot wrong.)

There’s a lot to do and see in the park but I had only one objective. Find a Croc. Best place was supposed to be Flamingo Marina. (There was a computer issue so we lucked into a free day in the park – normally a 25 dollar fee per carload good for 7 days)

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The 30 miles drive beyond the main gate takes you through some prime critter viewing. We moved a tiny tortoise (not sure what kind but he had a round bumpy shell) off the road, watched a pancake toirtose waddle away in a hurry when we stopped, because he was in the middle of the road, and got out of the car to investigate two hit snakes. Another car came sailing along from the opposite direction and we were glad we’d moved the tortoise.

If you go, do not forget the bug spray! I still have welts from the biting flies. Thankfully, some other Croc hunters shared their deep woods off.

 

And on your left…more water

IMG_0458We thought about taking a tour. But I’m cheap and it was something like 35 bucks. I figured we’d look from shore this trip and maybe take a tour next time if we struck out.

Turns out it was manatee breeding season and the sea cows were very excited. And everywhere. Crocs were my priority but I found myself squealing with delight every time I saw a pudgy nose poke up out of the water. We spotted a dozen, along with two dolphins. Most were by themselves, but we did see a pod of five just before they dropped back below the surface. One of the other tourists let me look through his mega lens for a closeup. It was nice but I can’t imagine carrying around a giant camera anymore. (I’m sure my husband is happy those days are long gone too. I was always looking through the lens)

Are you using both those eyes? 

Lots of Vultures.

 

 

 

 

 

 

For some reason, wandering through them on the shoreline wasn’t as creepy as seeing them hanging out in this tree. It kinda felt like they were planning something.

As we were heading back to the car, full of regret for not spilling the 35 bucks for the boat tour, I spotted a little Croc in the water next to the sea wall. Success! He was maybe 5 feet, with all of him visible as he floated in the water. Unfortunately, I scared him by jumping around shouting Croc. He sunk from sight before I could get a photo.

Stinker.

Next time, I think I’m going to bite the bullet and spend the cash on the tour. Boats cover a lot more territory than I can on foot. Plus, the folks on that boat seemed to be having fun.

Next time, I’ve got more photos and video from the new Pandora rides at Disneyworld.

Until then, Write On,

Melissa

Key West 5k

Just got back from Key West and the Hemingway 5k. It’s an evening run, start time 7:30pm. That’s me with my race shirt.

And this is the temperature. Kinda of. It was actually 89 degrees, feels like 89 thousand. I just noticed the song on the radio. We’d been hoping for temps in the 70s.

And this was us at race time.

Mojitos from the Rum Bar on Duval. Life is too short to be that sweaty.

Next time, I’ll share video from the Everglades National Park. (Give me a day to recover)

Until then,

Write on,

Melissa

Win a signed copy of How to Sex Your Snake

Goodreads Book Giveaway

How to Sex Your Snake by Melissa Banczak

How to Sex Your Snake

by Melissa Banczak

Giveaway ends June 13, 2017.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway

 

Are you a member of Goodreads? If not, you should be. I’m giving away some signed copies of my latest book, How to Sex Your Snake this summer and that’s where you’ll find them. The first contest goes live at 12:01 am on June 6 and runs till June 13. (I believe it ends at midnight) 

So follow the link above and get signed up. 

Write On,

Melissa

What’s the weirdest gift you’ve gotten?

We’re finally unpacking some of our zillion and one boxes, many from two or three moves ago, and I found this photo. On the back it reads, Christmas, 1971. Melissa with her new shoe bag. Is it me or it that a odd gift for a child? I look happy but I’ve always been easily amused. What’s the weirdest gift you’ve ever gotten and how old were you?  

Leave a comment below and Write On, 

Melissa

PS – Wanna win a paperback copy of my new book, How to Sex Your Snake? I’ll be giving a few away on Goodreads in June and July. If you’re not already a member, join and friend me. I’ll post a link here when the contests are live. In the meantime, if you’ve already bought a book, follow the links (QR codes in the paperback, clickable in the ebooks) and leave a review. No links to Goodreads but if you’re a member, I’d love reviews there as well. Authors live and die by word of mouth.